Many times in life, it seems you’ve got the map in hand, with a few select destinations in mind. Then, on occasion, by intent or by adjusting to new circumstances, that map gets tossed out the window, leading to an entirely different journey than you would have ever planned for yourself. Better or worse is moot in the midst of that wind of adventure blowing in your face, knowing you’ve strayed far off the path of predictability…perhaps never to return.
This Sunday (Aug. 14) marks the three year point from my first tumor surgery ; the diagnosis date was back in July; but my July was a little too chaotic for me to have caught that one. I thought it was high time to outline for the purpose of bringing latecomers up to speed. Further deep analysis contained within the larger blog; as much as I’d like to provide a poignant, well-written summation of my personal growth journey held within this timeline of events; the internet is not that big, nor is my mental & physical energy reserve. Enjoy this virtual walk/click down memory lane, and thank you for having joined me along the journey; it means more than a little blog post could possibly express.
I couldn’t tell you exactly when it all started; I just know that at some point around 2005/06, I began experiencing little waves of pressure across my head. Being a guy, of course I mostly kept silent about this, as it seemed to only happen when I was exhausted, and it would only occasionally affect my job performance (teaching, at the time), as I couldn’t speak for the 5-7 seconds it would last; essentially, all I knew is that something wasn’t right. Eventually, the episodes (now known to have been Petit Mal seizures-ones you can still operate during) escalated into an occasional ”blackout”-prompting many “so, how did this ‘double-shoulder injury’ ‘unexplained fall’ happen again?” inquiries of bewilderment from doctors who couldn’t believe a healthy young man was just up and falling down.. But most of them were completely missing the obvious: Something’s not right in this guy’s head.
(the better written version of year one’s timeline is here)
After the initial shook came the logistics of getting this Lump Outta My Head. The surgery was tough, but successful , as was the week spent relearning how to walk and tie my shoes and remember things.
From here: the biopsy diagnosis came back: cancerous. Meaning, bring on radiation
and chemotherapy; and a lot of assistance from many faithful servants.
All was going smoothly, and it looked like I was out of the woods on this one, until that following spring, when I started experiencing seizures again. Things quickly got very weird, and very,very gross.
Then came my Helmet Boy period, during which things just got funny.
By the end of that summer; enter brain surgery number three (to put a plate in my head).
After becoming part machine, it looked for sure like I was done here. But not so fast! Once again, those familiar seizures told me something was up. So back to the docs, and back to that familiar scenario: more surgery ahead. Number four in just over two years, to be precise. All went well; as did the subsequent recovery.
Until the diagnosis changed for the much more serious, that is. Requiring yet
more serious treatments (and reality checks about this newfound seriousness).
However, there were some lingering complications, which required additional
hospitalization and eventually, surgery number five.
From there, until the present, lots of “this might work,” “that didn’t work,” and so forth. The occasional unsettling reality check. And a whole lot of continued learning about what it means to walk with
God through a hefty trial like brain cancer; and a lot of learning about how to best walk alongside those who are trying to walk alongside & love you….
Yes, that’s a lot of clicking; I’ll be impressed if you went to half of those links, but hope I’ve been able to give a better picture of just what the past three years have looked like in my life. Again, I’ve tried to be as candid as possible along the way, and see this trial as an opportunity to take you all along for the journey of what God can do through seemingly hopeless circumstances; with the caveat that victory in this trial is not necessarily defined by Phil walking away from it…but that’s my plan at this time (delusional optimism). Your support, prayer, and encouragement has been a consistent source of strength in the midst of a lot of frustration and uncertainty.
Thank you.
