How to Cook a Turkey Dinner (2009 Edition)

 

Once again (as in 2007 and 2008), we here at Felipe Beach are happy to present you with sage advice (no pun intended) for you as you prepare your family’s Thanksgiving feast, as presented by a friend at my former elementary school workplace.  Maybe these families should stick with takeout this year…

Poor Mrs. V! She has to cook Thanksgiving dinner this year!   To help her out, she asked a team of expert chefs—her second graders—how THEY would cook a turkey dinner. Here’s what they said:

 

Instant Productivity Killer, Long Weekend Edition!

Quick health update — I had my latest MRI the other day, and am awaiting results (or lack thereof) to see if either my infection or tumor has decided to show its ugly face again.  I’ll let you know as soon as I confirm the nothing that’s going on up there.  Thanks again for your prayers to that effect!)

Alright…on to business! 

The Long Weekend is upon us (either celebrating Canada’s birthday, or the U.S.’s sticking it to the British (via a War which, by the way, my family at the time was on the losing side of.  Worked out OK for us, though…).  So, with all this free time of yours, you have the choice to (a) work on that list of projects you’ve been saving up, (b) go socialize with friends, (c) enjoy the sunshine and outdoors, or (d) dink around online for a few hours before doing items a-c. 

To that end, may I assist?  Here’s a list of humorous or interesting sites I’ve been able to discover via my timewasting adventures of the past few months.  Enjoy!

 

Concerning “Retarded…”

**Health Update: last week’s MRI results came back, and I am pleased to report that I am “stable.” (well, at least my brain cells are) That basically means that, although the doctor’s can’t really see what’s going on in the scar tissue surrounding my tumor site, they don’t see anything growing in there, and that’s good news in tumor terms.  I’ll take it.  Then we’ll go through this whole mess again in about three months…

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Let’s see, what’s in the news this week?  Basketball?  Yup.  Evil corporate shenanigans?  You know it.  Politicians saying stupid things?  Hmmm…

 

Phil’s 2009 Pre-Game Show!

In lieu of a lengthy Christmas letter, I’ve begun putting my “year-in-review” thoughts online the past few years.  This year, I’ve created an entire new site devoted to these thoughts.  Many of you received an email pointing you there; for the rest of you, you can head over to http://phildavies2009.wordpress.com/ for some end-of-the-year, beginning-of-the-year revelry (perhaps a little merriment tossed in there, too.  Absolutely no ballyhoo, though…).  Enjoy, and happy 2009!

*Brief health update — I’m doing great, and awaiting my next round of follow-up chemo (which gave me nearly no side effects last time around).  I’m getting around perfectly fine these days (when I can get through the snow, that is), still figuring a few things out with how my brain handles different types of stimuli (but no seizures, thank God), and very thankful for your prayer, support, and encouragement this past year!*

 

Let’s Really “Do Christmas” This Year!

Saw this story in the Bellingham Herald today:

 

Literally, Words/Phrases That Drive Me Nuts!

“You use that word a lot…I do not think it means what you think it means.” – from The Princess Bride, concerning the word “Inconceivable”

Why?  Why do people continually use these phrases/expressions, when they know how upsetting they are to me?  Blatant overuse of these words, phrases, colloquialisms, and such, literally make me lose my mind!  (Anyone who has seen my mind wandering around town, please send it back home immediately)

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1)  “Thoughts and Prayers” (as in, “Please send your thoughts & prayers along for poor Uncle Bob.”).   Here’s where I’m coming from: as one who believes the teachings of the Bible, and who believes that it is possible to have a personal relationship with God through Christ, I also believe that prayer is a real thing with real impact.  God wants us to pray so we can know Him more and stay involved in His work, not just wait for things to happen.  Prayer has power; thoughts have no power.  Unless you’re one of the Superfriends, or the girl from Carrie.  If that’s the case, you just go on ahead thinking things.

Similar variation: “sending energy” towards some cause or person.  I saw a concert at the park tonight, where the singer urged us to send our energy to Africa to cure AIDS.  Everyone cheered, and started dancing.  Really?  Can someone who doesn’t have their own copy of The Secret explain how this works?  Are we talking light-wave energy, or a Star Wars midichlorian thing?   Seriously, I’d love to hear your take on this whole thing.

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2) “Retarded” as an insult (as in, “This IRS form is so retarded!”).    I work with special-needs kids.  Those kids work ten times as hard for every freakin’ thing they have in life, will never have the kind of easy life you and I take for granted, and certainly don’t need this cultural trend further stigmatizing them.  Don’t get me started on this one…

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3) “Blessing” – related overuse (as in, “Finding this new Lexus in the color we liked was a real blessing.”).  Hmm.  This one’s tricky.  The term “blessing” is a historical one, stemming from rituals where one person (typically, an elder) would bestow favor and/or wealth upon another (typically, a son).  So, it would be easy to equate “blessing” with “gettin’ stuff.” 

Here’s where the problem starts: unless you are a young Hebrew male, putting sheepskin on your arms to receive the birthright from your blind father, “blessing” takes on a different form.  It generally means that God has shown favor on you in some form, and you are acknowledging this favorable treatment.  However, our culture has not always grasped that a blessing is not limited to physical, material goods: a blessing might be a phone call from a friend, a kind word, or perhaps an encouraging turn of events in your life. 

My take is that a blessing is anything God passes along to us that draws us closer to Him and His will for us.  This might even be something we would consider unfavorable, if it results in refining of our faith.  So, when we so casually toss around that we’ve been blessed by this, and that such-and-such was a real blessing, do we really, honestly see how this thing/event might be something God is using to draw us closer to Him?  Or is it just that we like gettin’ stuff?

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4) “In My Heart of Hearts…” (as in, “I know it seems strange, but in my heart of hearts, I know it’s true).  Besides just being a silly grouping of words, this little number is a faster discussion killer than Godwin’s Law (playing the Nazi card).  Use of this phrase instantly personalizes any argument that preceded, making it impossible to refute the other party’s point-of-view without directly insulting them.  Basically, it cuts past the “red tape” of facts and evidence, and suggests that a truth can be identified by how strongly one feels about it. 

A possible scenario: Christopher Columbus has just returned to Spain from his exploration of the New World (during which, he did not fall of the mythical Edge of the World)…

Chris: ”So, as you can see by these exotic plants, strange animals, and Native Americans we’ve brought back with us, there is a land across the sea, not a big drop-off where we’d all fall off and die.”

Queen Isabella: “Hmm.  Yes, I know a lot of people have said that the world is actually round.  But, still, I gotta say, in my heart of hearts, I know it’s flat…”

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5) “I Heart (Something)” (or any similar instance of replacing real words with text-speak).  Unless you’re a 12-yr. old girl, or some kind of courtroom stenographer, let’s just not include cutesy text-ese stuff like this, any variation of “OMG”, and such in our normal online conversations, yes?  (A college grad student I met on a plane once told me about a student’s paper she was grading, where the student closed out an argument by typing, “WTF?”   The aforementioned instances don’t bother me so much as a hunch that we’ve not seen the worst of this ugly beast in our culture… )

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6) Playing the 9/11 Card (as in, “Of course we need this new law…just remember 9/11.”).   OK, tricky territory to navigate here.  Yes, the terrorist attacks of 9/11/2001 were horrible.  Yes, the families who lost loved ones experienced an awful, unimagineable loss (harder when you consider what the victims must have gone through in their final moments).  Yes, our nation’s security and safety holes were exposed, and we all became (or, felt) less safe.

Sept. 11 was an awful event, and should be remembered as such.  However (bear with me on this one), it was not so horrible and awful as it’s been made out to be.  It wasn’t even the worst event of that year: In January, an earthquake in Gujarat, India, left over 12,000 people dead and at least 150,000 injured.  Thousands of impoverished families instantly lost loved ones, without having a chance to say goodbye, and with the knowledge that another similar event might occur at anytime.  Are those lives worth any less than those from our own country, where the average 9/11 victim received over $1.5 million in compensation? 

Here, in an election year, we’re just getting warmed up on this one, too.  Try counting the number of times a candidate will reference the events and victims of Sept.11 in a given speech, and you’ll likely run out of fingers and toes really quick.  Sadly, it has become yet another device used to evoke an instant emotional reaction in the listener (and when’s the last time you heard a politican urge us not to forget Gujarat?). 

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That’s all I could think of right now, but, in my heart of hearts, I know you’ve got a few to add to the list.  Send your thoughts, prayers, energy, and suggestions my way; I will heart reading them.

 

 

Late 80s/Early 90s Dance Party!

How’s your morning going?  Tough to come back after the weekend?  Got a case of the Mondays?  Then journey back with me to a simpler time, and get ready to groove along with some great late 80s/early 90s hip-hop/rap classics (the soundtrack of my 7th-9th grade years).  Warn your co-workers, ’cause you will be laughing/doing the Sprinkler/wondering who all the guys with the funny hair are.

(My apologies for the content in some of the videos, which really doesn’t fit in with what I’m trying to do with this site.  Turns out the soundtrack to my early adolescence wasn’t quite as wholesome as I remember it being.  Flip your mental content filters on, and just enjoy the grooves…)

 

Life Checklist (137th Revision)

(As one who doesn’t do too well without structure in his life and work, I’ve fallen into the habit of “scheduling” certain major milestones into my life.  Though the first 32 yrs. haven’t necessarily gone according to plan, I’d certainly be OK seeing at least a few of these hurdles cleared in a timely, orderly fashion.  List subject to change, per my whims, circumstances, and the occasional reality check…)

By Age 34:

1. Either settled into a youth/family ministry position within a growing, passionate, missional church family, or well on my way in a teacher certification program (not Plan A, but a plan nonetheless – I could think of worse things than being the only male a lot of little kids talk to each day).
2. Spend a week camping, somewhere (possibilities include long-neglected Olympic National Forest, and a canoe trip that has been bantied about with a friend).
3. Trade in my Civic for a convertible (everybody hates Convertible Guy.  At least, until that first sunny day of the year.  Then Convertible Guy, mildew-y interior and all, has the last laugh…).

By Age 35:

1. Hike the West Coast Trail (a week of beach hiking on Vancouver Island, B.C., complete with waterfalls, shipwrecks, and amazing scenery along the way).  Will require a few months of training, and I’ll need 1-2 others in my party…any takers?
2. Write a book, or at least map out the framework for one.  I’ve got a few bouncing around my head, and just need to get my blood boiling enough to purge those words from my head.
3. Sign a mortgage on a house.  This buyer’s market has about 2-3 years left in it, my sources tell me, so I hope I can jump in the pool before everyone else decides to back in.
4. Take another exegetical seminary class (one that pieces apart a section of the Bible).  Such an enriching process (which makes you both want to rip your hair out, and know God more).
5. Reduce my total personal debt by 25% (100% would be nice, but I’m realistic).

By Age 40:

1. Spend a month in Italy.  Like pretty much everyone who’s ever had the travel bug, Italy tops my “someday” list.  However, I’ve always wanted to save Italy for something special, potentially with someone special.  So, whether or not there’s a ring on my finger by then, I’m spending a month in the Tuscan hillsides, sipping fine chianti and touring historic cattedrales.  (*a friend observed that, if I’m married by 40, this is a win-win for my future spouse…for cryin’ out loud, who’s gonna say no to a pre-planned trip to Italy?)
2. Have another missions stint in the works, or under my belt.  Life is meant to be lived serving, learning, and worshipping, and this happens nowhere better than in a cross-cultural missions setting.  I imagine God will point me back in this direction before long, both for the work I could do in that country, and to refresh me for future pursuits.
3. Eliminate my non-house debt.  A wise counsel once told me that, if you wish to make yourself available to be used by God, you must first eliminate debt.  I would add sin to that list, but that’s another discussion for another day.  Let’s stick to the money thing…

By Age 50:

1. Hmm.  I’ve never thought about this one before.  I need to chew on this for awhile…
2. (I thought of one!)  Check another continent off the “need-to-visit” list.  I’m currently up to four, and can realistically get South America and/or Australia out of the way in the coming years.  Antarctica’s going to be tricky, but my geology creds might get me out there to see the penguins.  Yup, I expect that Bachelor of Arts degree will open some pretty big doors. 

 By Age 80:

1. I’m hoping just to make it this far.  I can’t think of any other men in my family that have in recent generations.  Everything after this will be gravy.

If I ever get engaged:

1. I’ve already got my elaborate proposal all mapped out.  She’s gonna be blown away, and my name will be spoken of in legend for years to come.  An amazing plan, yet beautiful in its simplicity.  We’ll fill in a few key details later (I imagine a name would be helpful). 

If I have children someday:

1. By their 10th birthday(s), my kids will have experienced authentic international travel in some form (missions trips or otherwise, not revolving around a hotel or resort).
2. By their 15th birthday(s), my kids will be able to independently negotiate their way through a foreign bus/train system (like a local).
3. By their 20th birthday(s), my kids will have planned and experienced their own international travels. 
4. By their 30th birthday(s), my kids will probably obsess over silly life lists like this one, driving their friends nuts!

When I die:

1. I want to be cremated, given a simple memorial service with lots of laughter, and have the ashes taken to Jerusalem and spread inside the Old City (where pilgrims from all corners of the world would pick me up on their shoes, and take me home with them).

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(Critique and suggestions welcomed, and most likely ignored.  How could you improve on the perfect plan?)

 

The Golden Age of Cinema

Having just watched An American in Paris, my mind is drawn to another time in our culture’s history…

In the early 50’s, America was still coming off it’s V-Day high: the sun was shining bright, and things looked nothing but good for the days ahead.  Most families didn’t have a TV (or, if they did, they still only had 2-3 channels), and hence children were forced to do things like play outside or be creative.  The U.S. economy was pretty stable, with new job growth, and a president (Truman) who was widely respected.  Gas cost $0.20/gal.; stamps cost 3 cents. 

…and the world was reaping the benefits of the Golden Age of Cinema (generally considered to be during the ’30s and ’40s, but I’ll throw in the early ’50s, too).  This was a time when studios produced grand pictures with lavish sets, beautiful soundtracks, and (get this) multitalented stars.  People would actually dress up to go to the cinema and, when they got there, they were met with plush seats, huge screens, and an organist who warmed up the crowd.  Moviegoing was an event, and crowds knew they would be treated to a show that dazzled their senses and made them feel better about the world than they did before they entered that fantasy world…

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As I write this, I’ve just watched an SNL skit where people laughed at a man being beaten to a pulp.  Minutes later, I overheard news reports about kidnappings, rapes, and rising gas prices.  Last night, I saw a movie which was preceded by multiple previews, most containing a scene from a strip club. 

Though ours was not a perfect world in the 1950s, I think I was born 40 years too late…

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(and, btw, An American in Paris is a great film.  Gene Kelly just has a way of putting a smile on your face, and Gershwin soundtracks alone are worth a watching.  You will enjoy yourself while watching this charming, beautiful film…)

 

Junk Drawer… (3/25/08)

A random airing of random thoughts; while each is not demanding a great deal of cyberspace to discuss, the world is most certainly a better place for having heard them. 

1)  Among my reading conquests of the past few years has been my adulthood re-reading of The Chronicles of Narnia series.  These “kids books” are easy to read (great travel reading), yet pack a punch.  Each of the seven stories carries with it stories of adventure, gallantry, falls from grace, and redemption at the hand of a loving higher being.  C.S. Lewis once described the character of Aslan not as a artistic rendering of Christ, but as an imaginative wondering of how He might reveal Himself to other created worlds.  One of my favorite moments was reading the The Last Battle (where Aslan ends the existence of Narnia, and leads the “Friends of Narnia” to an eternal paradise) at the same time as I read Lewis’ The Great Divorce (a separate novel rendering the author’s vision of Heaven).  Further up and further in!

2)  This week, my rental house has gone on the “For Sale” market.  Which meant that, last week, the place was professionally staged and photographed.  A strange experience, to give two aesthetically-focused women free run of a bachelor pad, and see what ensues (turns out, we had all the right stuff in all the wrong places).  Anytime I’ve watched redecorating TV shows (read: a RARE occurance), I’ve always imagined that, minutes after the cameras leave, the residents spend the next hour moving everything back to where it was before.  That’s pretty much what I did…

3) I seriously do not get women.  I know what they say they want, but what do they want?  More specifically, what are they waiting for, that they’re not thinking they’re going to get from me or other non-”Mr. Darcy’s” I know? 

(Mr. Darcy = mysteriously charming, effortlessly handsome, both forceful and tender at the same time.  Jane Austen-driven emotional porn for generations of sighing women…)

4) Easter services at my church are really funny.  Being a high-profile congregation, we always draw a huge crowd on holidays.  We don’t really do anything different, either; none of the Lenten fanfare you might come to expect from your local church.  Leading up to the big day, I always go through the same cycle: hearing about Lent somewhere; wondering if I should make a Lenten pledge; forgetting about it; remembering other Holy Week services I used to attend, and wishing my current congregation did something like that; wondering if I should skip church to go visit other services.  Then, at the last minute, God shows up and lets us all know why Jesus came to Earth, why He died, and why He conquered death once and for all. 

Our Easter service was elbow-to-elbow, with the same hands-in-the-air rock praise we do pretty much every week.  I was starting to get a little grumbly, wishing we would toss a little fanfare in there.  Then, the Spirit of God starts to move.  We all know God’s up to something.  And when the pastor leads us in a prayer for those wishing to receive Christ’s gift for the first time, the cluster of folks making that bold first step, reminds us of why we have church in the first place.