Once again (as in 2007 and 2008), we here at Felipe Beach are happy to present you with sage advice (no pun intended) for you as you prepare your family’s Thanksgiving feast, as presented by a friend at my former elementary school workplace.  Maybe these families should stick with takeout this year…

Poor Mrs. V! She has to cook Thanksgiving dinner this year!   To help her out, she asked a team of expert chefs—her second graders—how THEY would cook a turkey dinner. Here’s what they said:

 *Invite people over for dinner. Put the turkey on the stove. Put it in a turkey roaster. Put some butter and water on it. Warm up the oven for at least ten minutes. Cook it at 50 or 60 degrees. Set the timer for at least 10 minutes. Put a thermometer in to see if it’s done. It’ll look cooked if it’s done. Make pumpkin pie. Put a pumpkin in it. Smoosh the pumpkin up. Put some crumbs over it. Bake it and it becomes pumpkin pie. Have bread and butter. If you put the bread in the toaster, it gets crunchy, and that’s good. Have ice cream, too.

 *I’ll tell you how my family does it. We roast a turkey. Put it in the middle of the table. Cook it first, though. Put it in the oven. Set the oven at 3 degrees. It might take an hour or a half-hour. Make mashed potatoes and green beans. Open a can of beans and pour them in a bowl. They’re already cooked!

 *You should ask your mom how to cook it. I would go to the store and get a turkey. Cook it in the oven for 40 minutes. Have pumpkin pie. It has one pumpkin and some strawberry filling in it. Have some meat, too.

 *First you get a turkey from a store. Then you put it in a brine. (That’s a kind of a pan.) Put it in the oven. Cook it for 15 minutes. Take it out and stuff it with stuffing. Stuffing is made of meat and a tiny bit of carrot and a little lettuce. Make mashed potatoes. Peel off the brown part and mash them and then bake them. Cook a can of beans. Turn it over and drain out all the water. Put salt and butter on them and cook them in the microwave. Make a pumpkin pie. Make a crust with flour, sugar and water. Put it in a pie pan. Put in the pumpkin parts. Put a round piece of dough on the top and put some whipped cream on it. Then you bake it.

*Go to the market or go to Safeway and get a frozen turkey. If it’s not Thanksgiving then put it in the freezer. Thaw it out on Thanksgiving morning in the microwave. If it has any feathers left on it, take them off. Put tinfoil in the oven so it won’t explode. Then when it’s done cooking and it looks brown enough, let it cool off. Set it in the middle of the table. That’s how to get the turkey ready. Have cranberry sauce. My mother crushes the cranberries and sometimes she adds sugar and honey. Mash it again to mix that in. There should also be mashed potatoes. Get a potato and take a knife to skin it. Take out the bad parts by carving them with the knife. Do one or two potatoes. Crush the potatoes by squishing them in a bowl. Mix them around. Put butter in and mix it all around. Some people have peas. Buy some and thaw them out, and they’re ready to go. Now for yams. First you buy some yams from Wal-Mart. Skin them with a knife and take off the bad parts. Put it in the oven and cook them. To make them sweet, put honey, brown sugar and cinnamon on it. Then your Thanksgiving dinner is ready!

*Buy a turkey at the store. Cook it over the stove for 30 or 20 minutes at 10 degrees. When it’s all brown, it’s done. Have corn, green beans, and peas. Set out everything like the forks and the food and the spoons and the drinks. For pumpkin pie, take a pumpkin and take out all the gooey orange stuff inside it. You also need to add bread and cook it.

 *Get the turkey at Safeway. Put it in the microwave to cool it off a little bit. Take it out and put it in the oven to cook at 350 degrees. Cook it for 50 minutes. Cook peas and corn, mashed potatoes and Jell-O. Make the table nice with flowers on it.

*Buy some stuffing. It’s made of some kind of brown stuff. Buy a turkey. Put the stuffing around the turkey in a pot and cook it on the stove for 30 minutes. Put some butter on the turkey. I stuff bacon in it. I put some vegetables in it, too, like chopped-up carrots. Put a little bit of salt and pepper on the turkey. That’s how I make it at my house. We usually have some home-made corn. We get corn and pick off all the green stuff. Put it in a pot on the stove. Spray it with non-stick spray first. Put two chops of melted butter in it. Let the corn heat for 10 minutes. Then have some mashed potatoes. Use nine potatoes. Peel off the skin and mash them up in a medium-sized pot and make home-made gravy. This is our kind of gravy. Get chicken broth and mix it up with salt and pepper. Pour it on the mashed potatoes. Make a little hole first. Then we’re ready to eat! Have three scoops of ice cream in a triangle shape for dessert. Get that from the fridge. Put whipped cream on the top and use a little bit of every kind of sprinkle you have.

*Get a turkey from the grocery store. Put it in the oven for an hour or two. Set the oven at 20 degrees. Make some stuffing. Stuffing is made of rice and tiny chunks of green things. Some kind of spices, I think. Put it in a little bowl and put it on the stove and turn it up just a little bit high. Put buns and butter on the table. Get some dark brown liquid—gravy? That’s got a tiny drop of water and something brown. You could make mashed potatoes. Get a normal potato. Cut off the brown part. Put it in a bowl (the white part) and smash it up a little bit. You might need more than one potato if there are a lot of people. Have blueberries and raspberries and strawberries all cut up over ice cream for dessert.

*My mom cooks the turkey. Cut it open and put honey in it. Cook the turkey for 50 or more minutes. Set the oven 20 degrees. Have stuffing. Stuffing is rice and other things. Have mashed potatoes and gravy. Gravy has milk and butter in it. For dessert you might have ice cream. We’re bringing pies to our Thanksgiving dinner, like strawberry pie and apple pie.

*Make a turkey. Buy it and cook it in the oven. Cook it for one and a half hours at 60 degrees. Open the oven, and if it’s brown and hot, it’s done. Have rice and beans. Put vegetables like broccoli, carrots, and lettuce in a bowl. For the pumpkin pie, you could buy it or you could make it. There’s things like apples inside it, but it’s more different. Apple pie is sweeter than pumpkin pie. That’s my favorite! Put fruits in the middle of the table.

*Get a turkey. You can get it from Safeway in Lynden. Bake it. You should put it on 30 degrees. Check it after 10 minutes. If it looks like chicken, it’s done. Make baked potatoes and pumpkin pie. Put pumpkin seeds inside it. My favorite part is the turkey!

*You usually buy a turkey. Stuff it with stuffing. Stuffing is meat with cheese. Put it in the oven for at least one or two hours. Set the oven at “a little hot.” Put out placemats, forks, knives and milk for everyone. Make pumpkin pie with whipped cream.

*First get a turkey at the store. Drive it to your home. Get it in the oven. Get it hot. Not too hot, just “normal hot.” (That’s about 5 degrees.) It takes 3 minutes to cook. Make pumpkin pie. Put pumpkin all cut up in a pie with whipped cream. Have punch to drink. And have cookies and toast.

*You have to buy the turkey first. Put stuffing in it. Stuffing is made of some type of cracker and some potatoes. Cook it at 350 degrees for 30 minutes. Make ham, too. Have chocolate cake for dessert.

*First you buy a turkey from the store. Then you roast the turkey in the oven. Set the oven at 10 degrees. It takes an hour. Set the table and take the turkey out of the oven. The timer will beep when it’s done. Have mashed potatoes, green beans, corn, and pumpkin pie. Buy that from the store and put it in the oven. Buy some water and apple cider.

*Get a turkey from the store. Go home and put it in the sink. Get the stuff ready to make it, like pineapples to put on it. Put it in a pan and put it in the oven. The oven should be at 99 degrees. It cooks for an hour. Get silverware and plates. Make mashed potatoes and olives and pickles. And buns with butter, too. Make pumpkin pie for dessert. First you make the dough. Then get a pumpkin and put it on top of the dough and put it all in a pan. In an hour, take out the turkey and put the pumpkin pie in to bake. The pumpkin pie bakes for half an hour. Get it out and set the table.

*You don’t know?? Well, buy a turkey from the store, or kill it if you go hunting for it. If you hunt it or kill it, you have to pluck up the feathers. Cut the head off and get all the blood out. Then you put it in the microwave for an hour. Heat it to 140 degrees. Make mashed potatoes and rice. For dessert, have apple pie or some other kind of pie. Get the house all cleaned up, and decorate the house with chickens.

*Buy a turkey. Set the oven to 350 degrees. When it’s at 350 degrees, put the turkey in the oven. Cook it for 25 minutes. Put it back in if it’s not done. It’s done when it’s golden colored. It’ll take about an hour and a half. Make the stuffing. It’s got dough in it. Have cranberries and mashed potatoes and gravy. You can get gravy mix at Safeway. It’s called “Turkey Gravy.” Have pumpkin pie for dessert. If some people don’t like pumpkin pie, you can have apple pie, too.

*First you take the turkey’s feathers off. Take off even the feet. Hang them up. When you’re finished all that, then you cook them. Cook them for two hours. They’re done when they’re so hot. Put lemons on top. Make corn and have some water to drink. Have some chips. Have a piñata that has spicy candies inside.

*Cut a hole in the turkey. Dig all the bones out of it. Stuff it with stuffing. Stuffing is made of relish. Cook it in the oven. Set the oven at 60 degrees for 20 minutes. Set the table. Make vegetables and have milk. Have ice cream for dessert.