So, here’s where I’m at, as of Tuesday afternoon:  I know that my tumor has been reclassified (to what, I don’t know, but something more aggressive & active than previously thought).  I know that, by way of changing diagnosis, I’ve been excluded from both trial studies I previously had been invited to.  I know that I’m feeling just fine right now; still regaining strength after the last surgery, and still figuring out what temporary & permanent quirks I’ve developed as a result of that surgery.  And, I know that I’m heading back down to University of Washington tomorrow to meet with my neuro-oncologist to discuss “options.”  (I hate that word; it signifies no certainty that anything will really work) 

I also know that, whatever kind of news I get tomorrow, I’ve always got some kind of “option;”  you can tell me I’m out of options someday, decades from now, when you come to my funeral.  I also know that, whatever encouraging news or crushing blows are presented to me ( & my extra sets of ears), God’s still in control of the whole thing, and will work all the particulars of “Why?” and “But it’s not fair!” out in His own way, and in a way that does the most good. 

(of course, in my mind that means hearing that I’ve got a good nasty fight in front of me, but one that many others before me have walked away from as stronger people.  But, as always, I have to expect/prepare for the worst, and hope/pray for the best)

An old hymn crossed my eyes today:

My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesus’ blood and righteousness;
I dare not trust the sweetest frame,
But wholly lean on Jesus’ name.

Refrain:
On Christ, the solid Rock, I stand;
All other ground is sinking sand,
All other ground is sinking sand.

When darkness veils His lovely face,
I rest on His unchanging grace;
In every high and stormy gale,
My anchor holds within the veil.

His oath, His covenant, His blood
Support me in the whelming flood;
When all around my soul gives way,
He then is all my hope and stay.

When He shall come with trumpet sound,
Oh, may I then in Him be found;
Dressed in His righteousness alone,
Faultless to stand before the throne.

And, this past week, God put one of my favorite Psalms in my path, as well:

Psalm 62 —

1 I wait quietly before God,
      for my victory comes from him.
 2 He alone is my rock and my salvation,
      my fortress where I will never be shaken.

 3 So many enemies against one man—
      all of them trying to kill me.
   To them I’m just a broken-down wall
      or a tottering fence.
 4 They plan to topple me from my high position.
      They delight in telling lies about me.
   They praise me to my face
      but curse me in their hearts.
                         Interlude

 5 Let all that I am wait quietly before God,
      for my hope is in him.
 6 He alone is my rock and my salvation,
      my fortress where I will not be shaken.
 7 My victory and honor come from God alone.
      He is my refuge, a rock where no enemy can reach me.
 8 O my people, trust in him at all times.
      Pour out your heart to him,
      for God is our refuge.
                         Interlude

 9 Common people are as worthless as a puff of wind,
      and the powerful are not what they appear to be.
   If you weigh them on the scales,
      together they are lighter than a breath of air.

 10 Don’t make your living by extortion
      or put your hope in stealing.
   And if your wealth increases,
      don’t make it the center of your life.

 11 God has spoken plainly,
      and I have heard it many times:
   Power, O God, belongs to you;
    12 unfailing love, O Lord, is yours.
   Surely you repay all people
      according to what they have done.

As always, I thank you for your encouragement, support, & prayers, and ask for some very specific prayers over the coming days, for myself, my family, and my docs.

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